thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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