I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
