I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
