i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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