we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
