Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
