Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
