hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize
