He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
