Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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