Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
