If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Of course I have a pirate flag
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
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