Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize