thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Less talking, more tequila
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
