..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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