Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
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