Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
