remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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