Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Randomize
