he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
