I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
