I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
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