Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
