After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
