sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
