so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize