I feel like abortions should bother me more
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
