Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Randomize
