Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Randomize