I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
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