I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
