so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
