Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
