Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Randomize
