I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Randomize
