i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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