note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Sext me about skeletons
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
