She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
