His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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