I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize