plz talk dirty to me
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
