Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
