i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Randomize
