Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
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