I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Randomize
