what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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