you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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