u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
do nipples grow back?
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