I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
