before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
