Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize