DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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