"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
