I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Randomize
