I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
The air was thick with penises
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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