we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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