I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
