I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I need a beard to bite.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Randomize
