I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
YAS. BRING CRAB.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Randomize
