When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I want a musical about memes.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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