Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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