Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
