Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize
