so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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