Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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