I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
How naked do you want me to be?
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
