It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
he was CRYING into my vagina
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Randomize