Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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