I skipped work to stalk him.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
