Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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