There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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