Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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