She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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