I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
