I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Randomize
