just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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