Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
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