So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
