Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I think i got beer on your cat.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
