Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
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