We won't sleep together?
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
