Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I got inside last night via doggy door
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
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