Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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