I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
