i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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