her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I am naked and annoyed.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Randomize
