did you get engaged???
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize