i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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