My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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