yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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