I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Randomize
