We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
