So drunk, too bad you don't want this
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I'm sobbing to NWA
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Randomize
