Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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