careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
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