I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
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