I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize