I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
