1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I lost the right to judge tonight
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
