You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Randomize
