At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
