I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
