and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
