They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
