if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Randomize
